Int. RST Video.

Elias is behind the counter, wearing his RST uniform with the words “Porch Monk-ployee” written on the back of the shirt. He is re-organizing the shelf behind the counter with video tapes. A CUSTOMER enters the store and begins browsing. The customer moves down the racks and suddenly turns to find himself face-to-face with Elias.

ELIAS

Hello there, may I help you locate a movie or video game today?

CUSTOMER

(looks at him funny and steps past him)

Uh… No, I’m okay…

ELIAS

Alright, just let me know if you need any assistance.

CUSTOMER

(ignoring him)

Right. I will.

Cut to:

CUSTOMER walking out of the porn room in the back and runs right into Elias again.

ELIAS

Did you find everything alright, sir?

CUSTOMER

Yeah… I’m just gonna pay, alright?

ELIAS

Alright sir!

He hurries behind the counter and begins ringing him up, but he sees the title of the movie “Ass-Blasters from outer Space” and gets a horrified look on his face.

ELIAS

OH… Uh… sir, may I recommend a tape selection for you?

CUSTOMER

What?

ELIAS

(ignoring him, he picks up a tape off the counter)

Well this is a copy of the original Transformers animated movie…

CUSTOMER

I don’t want the transformers!

ELIAS

(startled)

But…

CUSTOMER

No but! I don’t want the fuckin’ Transformers, ring up my damn movie so I can leave this fuckin’ place behind.

ELIAS

Well… alright sir, but speaking of “Left Behind”… This is a copy of that movie if your interested… (hands him the box)

CUSTOMER

What the fuck is this now?

ELIAS

(obviously bothered by the swearing)

Its… (clears throat) it’s a movie about the Rapture as told by the bible with a hip young cast in it. My pastor pre-viewed it when it came out and he says-

RANDAL suddenly appears, shoving Elias violently out of the way.

RANDAL

(to the customer)

Got your card?

CUSTOMER
Yeah.

(hands it to him)

RANDAL

(takes it, punches it in, hands him the porn)

There ya go. Have a good night, I’m sure ya will…

CUSTOMER

Asshole.

RANDAL

Come again.

The customer leaves.

RANDAL

(smacks Elias on the back of the head)

Dude how many times have I told you not to dally with the fuckin’ mouth-breathers? Get em in, get em out, quick and painless. Throw a gay joke in there if you must, but don’t make them linger… Its bad enough that the customers even come IN here, much less hang around.

ELIAS

Well I was just trying to share the good news about Jesus Christ.

RANDAL

The good news? Oh right, like it such good news. “Oh yes, Jesus died for our sins, but don’t worry he’ll be back one day… and when he does come back, every single living thing on this planet it going to die horribly and either ascend to heaven or burn in eternal torment in the fires of hell.” That’s SUCH good fucking news, ya re-re.

ELIAS

Come on Randal, don’t you like ANYTHING that’s good? All you do all day is make fun of Transformers and my religion!

RANDAL

What the hell are you talkin’ about? I believe in god too, just not enough to ever set foot in a church or wait till I’m married to fuck the shit out of some drunken prom date in the back of Dante’s car… AND blow a load all over his steering wheel.

ELIAS

(gets whoozy)

Oh god… (runs to the back bathroom)

RANDAL
(hears vomiting, does the Randal laugh)

I still cant believe he’s wearing the Porch Monk-ployee sign…

Laughs and walks out.