SCENE ONE

INT. Brad’s House

We open on an alarm clock going off, then BRAD’s eye opening. He hit’s the snooze button and slowly gets up, tossing the covers aside and stumbling tiredly over to his dresser. He is in his mid-20’s, wearing a white t-shirt and boxers. grabs a pack of cigarettes, taking one out and putting it behind his ear and grabbing his Zippo lighter on his way out the door. He goes down the driveway, lighting up his cigarette as he walks, then sticks the lighter into the shirt pocket. He reaches the newspaper, picks it up, tucks it under his arm and turns to go back to the house. He stops, looking down at the pile of dog crap on his driveway. Brad looks over at his neighbors house.

BRAD

I told him…

He heads over to the neighbor’s driveway and takes the neighbor’s paper out of the plastic wrapper. He sets it down in front of him and begins urinating on the paper. He exhales smoke a few times, then glances at the neighbor across the street’s house, where she is looking at him with a sickened face. Brad just waves at her and she goes back inside. He finishes, shaking, then heading back inside, whistling. He comes back into the house, the phone is ringing, so he picks it up, putting it to his ear as he makes himself a sandwich.

BRAD
Hello?

JANET

(over the phone)

Brad?

BRAD
Who the fuck else would it be, Janet?

JANET

Look Brad… I dunno how to tell you this… But I think we need to take a break for awhile.

BRAD
(doesn’t even pause his sandwich making)

Oh really? A break, eh? Would that be the same thing as breaking up?

JANET
Well… No not really. We’re not going to separate for good, just… For awhile.

BRAD

Ah, so just for awhile… During which time you’ll be doing what?

JANET

Well, sorting through some things in my life.

BRAD

Which means you’ll be fucking that guy in your Adolescent Psychology class?

JANET

(pauses)

I… What?

BRAD
Yeah, ya know, the guy in your class. Or wait, maybe you’d know who I meant if I said the guy who was at your house last week, and two days later.

JANET
Hey, don’t assume right away! We were just studying!

BRAD
Ah, your right, I was mistaken. You must have been studying vocabulary words. Like “HARDER!”, right?

JANET
You were spying on me!?

BRAD
Nope, but you just confessed. Bye.

Hangs up the phone, whistling again as he starts eating his sandwich.

BRAD
Bitch…

Someone knocks on the door. He goes and answers it, his mouth full. LEWIS is there, he is younger than Brad, wearing a ‘Knockers’ uniform and black slacks.

LEWIS
(sees what he’s wearing)

Hey! Why aren’t you ready yet?!

BRAD
(blinks)

For what?

LEWIS
For work!!!

BRAD
Oh… Huh…

(thinks)
Am I working today?

LEWIS
Your OPENING today!

BRAD
Alright, chill the fuck out already, come on in.

He goes inside, Lewis follows him, standing by the door as Brad tosses his sandwich onto the counter and heading into the bathroom. The phone rings.

BRAD

(in the bathroom)

Get that wouldya?!

LEWIS
Sure…

(picks up the phone)

Hello?

JANET
(crying)

Brad, I’m sorry, please don’t hate me, I think we can work through this!

LEWIS
Uh… This isn’t Brad.

JANET
Well get him for me! NOW!

LEWIS
(holds the phone away from his ear)

Jesus… Hey Brad, Janet is on the phone!

BRAD
(opens the door and peeks his head out)
Gimme the phone.

LEWIS
Here.

(hands him the phone)

BRAD

Thanks.

(puts it to his ear)

Alright hon, go ahead and tell me everything you wanna say and I promise I wont interrupt you at all.

She starts talking indistinctly, Brad lays the phone down on the floor outside the bedroom.

BRAD
(to Lewis, whispering)

Don’t touch it.

He goes back into the bathroom, the shower turns on. Lewis looks on amazed.

SCENE TWO

INT. Brad’s House

Brad comes out of his bathroom, pulling on his ‘Knockers’ Uniform, he steps over the phone, where Janet is STILL talking and grabs his keys off the counter.

BRAD
Alright, lets go.

LEWIS
(right before they leave)

Uh… what about the phone?

BRAD

(looks at it)

Oh shit, yeah…

(He goes and picks it up)

Sorry, I don’t think its gonna work.

(He hangs up on her)

Okay, NOW lets go.

CUT TO:

INT. Janet’s House

Janet and Carol are sitting in her room, Janet has the phone and Carol is behind her, listening to the phone closely.

JANET

(looks at the phone)

He… He hung up on me!

CAROL
ohmigod, he TOTALLY did!

JANET
I cant believe he just did that!

CAROL

He’s just like… Such a guy!

JANET
I know! I was just getting to him and then he just up and hangs up!?

CAROL
God, men are like… All alike!

JANET

(getting angry)

Its not fair, this whole thing is totally his fault anyways. He MADE me cheat on him in the first place!

CAROL

What did he do, anyway?

JANET

Well… He was too nice to me all the time!

CAROL

Ugh! What a jerk!

JANET
Seriously, he would NEVER give me an excuse to get mad at him or even fight!

CAROL
Bastard!

JANET
I mean, like… How can a relationship work out if we don’t argue at LEAST once a day!?

CAROL
(sigh)

Sometimes I just wonder why we need men at all…

She places her hand on Janet’s shoulder, Janet gets a confused look on her face and turns to her quickly.

JANET
Wait, what?

Crashing sounds come from outside the room.

CAROL
(quickly changing the subject)

Like, omagod! What was that!?

CUT TO:

EXT. Brad’s House

Lewis and Brad come out of the house, heading towards Brad’s car.

LEWIS

Look, I know we’re friends and all, Brad, but if you keep slacking off like this I’m gonna have to fire you. We’re gonna just BARELY make it in time.

BRAD
A. Nobody said we were friends, B. You wouldn’t fire me because you know I don’t have a life besides work and C. If you fire me, who’s gonna drive you to work till you get your license?

LEWIS
(Stops)

Hey! I have my fuckin license!

BRAD
(looks at him)
You have your permit.

LEWIS
Well… I just cant get a car yet, so why have a license?

BRAD
Um… Because every human on the planet who’s over 18 has a license, even homeless people have licenses.

CUT TO:

Brad and Lewis in the car, driving to work now, they pass by various places throughout the town, the local storage facility, the bank, Wal-Mart, Pizza Hut, etc.

LEWIS
(after awhile)

Ya know, a lot of great people never learned to drive.

BRAD
Your not a great person though Lewis, your not even a DECENT person.

LEWIS
Okay, A. Fuck you and B. Fuck you. Albert Einstein never learned to drive.

BRAD
Do you know physics?

LEWIS
No.

BRAD
Then I’m sorry to crush your dreams, but your not going to be the next Einstein.

LEWIS
Yeah well your not exactly the greatest specimen for how to live life.

BRAD
Oh don’t even try making me feel bad. I don’t do anything because I have no reason to. But nothing about my life makes me regret anything. I’m just waiting for my moment is all.

They pull into the ‘Knockers’ parking lot and Brad parks. They get out of the car and Lewis hurries to the door.

LEWIS

Go get the broom and start sweeping up the lot before you come in. I’ll turn on the fryer and whatnot.

BRAD
(bored)

Yeah, yeah.

He goes to the back and grabs the broom from the shed, starting to sweep the parking lot, smoking another cigarette and listening to music on his iPod. As he sweeps, there is a man walking through the closed-down building behind him. As he walks, we see another figure stumbling towards him, just before he reaches the first man though, someone runs up and pulls a gun on Brad.

THIEF
Don’t fuckin move!

BRAD

(casually looks at him)

Your really gonna rob a fast food joint? Come on man, there’s a perfectly good 24 hour gas station across the street. The clerk there is a real bitch too, so you win twice.

THIEF
You think I’m playin’ with you!? Get in the fuckin store!

He grabs Brad and starts shoving him towards the door, just before they reach the door however, the man from the other parking lot and the stumbling man are now BOTH stumbling towards Mooby’s.

THIEF

Jesus… This place isn’t even OPEN yet.

(points gun at them)

You two, hands up!

They don’t listen, they just keep walking towards Brad and the thief.

THIEF
I said get your fuckin hands up!

BRAD
I think they’re drunk.

THIEF

(turns on Brad)
You shut up!

(turns back to the people)

Stay where you are!

Lewis walks out of the store.

LEWIS
What is all the screaming ab-

THIEF
(turns on him now)
Goddamnit! You! On the ground!

LEWIS
AH! Okay!

(gets on the ground)

I’m down, I’m down!

Before the thief can turn around though, the two people come right up to him and it is obvious that they are zombies. The Thief screams and backs away.

THIEF

(shoots one in the chest, nothing happens)
What the fuck are you!?

Another comes around the corner of the store and chomps into the Thief’s shoulder, the others pounce on him as well. Brad and Lewis start backing away towards the car.

BRAD
I’m thinking its time to leave…

LEWIS
Ditto…

They turn to get in the car, but there are two more zombies in front of them.

BRAD
Fuckin figures…

Lewis screams and is about to run, but realizes there are zombies all around them. The zombies by the car attack them both. Brad’s eyes go wide and before he realizes what is going on, he grabs the zombie by the wrist and hip-tosses it to the ground, then spin-kicks the second in the face, knocking it to the ground.

LEWIS
Wha… when… When did you take martial arts?!

BRAD
I never did…

Another zombie comes stumbling towards him, dressed as a handyman. Brad grabs it by the neck, pulling a hammer out of the tool belt and knocking it across the face, sending the zombie tumbling to the ground. The other zombies come after Brad now because he is the most active, but he easily takes them down with a few easy strikes. After the zombies are all dead, Lewis is cowering in a fetal position. Brad is standing among the bodies, panting, looking at the bloody hammer.

BRAD
Damn… I’m good at this…

(he grabs Lewis off the ground)

Come on, get up!

He finally gets Lewis to get up off the ground, grabbing the gun from the Thief’s body before the two of them go to the car.

LEWIS
You… gotta be fuckin kidding me… Tell me those weren’t zombies.

BRAD
Well I dunno what ELSE you’d call them, Mr. Einstein…

SCENE THREE

INT. Brad’s Car

Brad and Lewis are in the car, speeding down the road.

LEWIS
Where the hell are we going!?

BRAD
Wal-Mart.

LEWIS
WHAT THE HELL FOR!?

BRAD
You know anywhere else that sells survival gear around here?!

LEWIS
No…

BRAD
Exactly.

CUT TO:

EXT. Wal-Mart

The car screeching into the parking lot of the Wal-Mart, there are a few zombies wandering around at the edge of the lot, but Brad ignores them as they run towards the store.

CUT TO: Them coming back outside, empty handed.

BRAD
Zombie apocalypse or not, I’m NOT paying that much for a goddamn hatchet…

A man is being attacked by zombies, Brad groans and pulls out the hammer, running to help.

BRAD
Go get the car started, I’ll be back…

LEWIS
Good idea.

Lewis runs to the car, but just as he reaches it, a hand comes out from under the car, grabbing him by the ankle. Lewis screams and is thrown off-balance, falling to the ground. He scrambles away from the car as a zombie crawls out from under it.

LEWIS
Shit… BRAD!

BRAD
(off-camera)
Kinda busy!

LEWIS
There’s a zombie here!

BRAD

(still off-camera)
So?! They’re gonna be EVERYWHERE soon, kill it!

LEWIS
Ugh… Shit! With what!?

BRAD
There should be a baseball bat in the trunk!

LEWIS
Right…

The zombie gets to its feet as Lewis opens the trunk and it lunges at him. Lewis screams and uppercuts it in the jaw. He then grabs the baseball bat and begins beating it do death on the ground.

LEWIS
Die you stupid moldy-assed fuck!

After a moment, Brad comes back and stops him.

BRAD
I think its dead, pal.

LEWIS
Goddamn fuckin-A right it is!

BRAD
Well, look who grew some balls…

(makes rock-in signal with his hand)

Lets book.

LEWIS
I feel like a level 70 Mage after that!

BRAD
(looks at him, blinks)

Wow… That was pretty gay.

They run off-camera.

CUT TO:

INT. Brad’s car.

The two of them are back in the car, there is now a third person in the back seat.

LEWIS
So uh… Who is this?

BRAD
Who?

(looks in the back seat)

OH GOD WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!?

(laughs)

That’s just Mike.

LEWIS
Um… ok then… who’s Mike?

MIKE
I’m Mike. He just said that.

LEWIS
No, I mean were the fuck did you come from?

MIKE
I was getting attacked by those things and Brad saved me and said I could come along.

LEWIS
Right, got it.

(remembers something)

Ah shit… Brad, can we stop by my house? I think my dad has a rifle stashed there.

BRAD
(pauses)

You… You live with your parents?

(stifles a laugh)

LEWIS
No! …Just my dad…

Brad and Mike bust out laughing.

LEWIS
(pouting)

Fuck you’se guys…

CUT TO: Lewis’ house

The car pulls up, Lewis runs inside as Brad and Mike wait out front for him.

BRAD
(leaning against the car)
So you go to Wal-Mart often?

MIKE
No, that was my first time.

BRAD
Great first impression, eh? That’s usually what its like.

MIKE
With the zombies?

BRAD
Well, mindless, walking ALMOST corpses with only one thing on their minds? Yup, that’s the people of Wal-Mart for ya.

CUT TO:

INT. LEWIS’ HOUSE

Lewis is searching for the rifle in a closet.

LEWIS
Come on, where the hell are you…

He hears a noise and stiffens up, looking towards the kitchen.

LEWIS
…Dad?

(no answer)
Dad?

(no answer)
Shit…

He looks back into the closet, spots the rifle.

LEWIS
There we are…

He grabs the rifle and loads it quickly, he hears the sound again and moves towards the kitchen cautiously. As he comes into the kitchen, he sees the back door is open.

LEWIS
Shit…

He looks into the kitchen and sees his dad hunched over in the kitchen.

LEWIS
Dad?

His dad turns around, blood all over his mouth, he growls.

LEWIS
Oh god…

The zombie lunges at Lewis, who slams the rifle into the his gut, then swings it up into his jaw, knocking him on the ground.

LEWIS
Sorry dad… But you always WERE an asshole.

He shoots the zombie in the head, killing it.

CUT TO:

EXT. LEWIS’ HOUSE

Lewis coming out of the house, now wearing a clean shirt and jeans and carrying the shotgun.

BRAD
Everything go okay in there?

LEWIS
Yeah, had to kill my dad, but ya know, shit happens.

BRAD
(shrugs)

Yeah I suppose it does, lets get-

(He sees a group of zombies coming towards them)

Ah shit… I think its time to go, boys.

They all go for the car, the zombies get to it first though and block their path.

LEWIS
What now!?

BRAD
Well, beating their asses is one option…

(flips the machete)

A zombie lunges at Brad, but shoulder-checks it in the chest, knocking it back, then another comes at him, but he spins away from its grip and slams the machete into the back of it’s neck, shattering the spine and dropping it. He then turns and stabs another zombie in the chest, pushing it back and ripping the machete out before chopping into its forehead. The first zombie finally manages to get to its feet and Brad flings the machete across the yard, impaling it into the zombie’s head. It drops to the ground.

LEWIS
(waiting)

Done showing off?

BRAD
(casually ripping the machete out of the zombie’s head)

Done not helping?

LEWIS
Oh, well god-forbid we cramped your style.

MIKE
Yeah, you looked like you knew what you were doing. Are you ex FBI or something?

BRAD
(gives him a funny look)
Am I what?

MIKE
Like one of those guys who used to be a secret agent and then got betrayed by his own government so now he’s hiding out in a small town to live a normal life?

BRAD
(blinks)

That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.

Someone screams in the distance and a few zombie voices are heard.

LEWIS
Ugh, what now?

BRAD
I dunno, lets find out.

MIKE
Why? Who cares?

BRAD
If we’re gonna hide out in this area, we want to make sure its clear first.

The three of them quickly head up the road and spot a group of zombies attacking people stuck inside a car. There is a set of keys on the ground outside.

BRAD
Well, they’re fucked. Lets go.

(he tries to leave, Lewis Stops him)

What?

LEWIS
We should help them.

BRAD
Why?

LEWIS
It looks like they’re girls.

BRAD
Your right, they could be hot, lets help them.

They all run towards the car, Lewis shoots a zombie with the shotgun, then swings the butt into another. Brad does a flying leap at the car and chops into a zombie’s skull, Mike slams the hammer into a zombie’s spine, bringing it to it’s knees, then smashes its head with another swing. Brad goes over the car, kicking two zombies in their faces, quickly jumping off after them and stomping their heads in.

BRAD
Sonovabitch… These are my good shoes too.

(they are worn out and peeling)

The car door opens and a girl gets out.

BRAD

(quietly)

Yes!

(Janet climbs out)

Fuck.

JANET
Oh Brad! You came to save me!

BRAD
Yeah whatever.

(turns to Mike and Lewis)

Come on guys, lets get out of here.

The three head back towards the car, the girls follow.

BRAD
(notices them)

Um, maybe you mis-understood-

JANET
No, I perfectly understand now, you DO care about me and I was completely misjudging you before. I know you MUST love me if you came to save me even though it was VERY dangerous!

BRAD
(blank look)
Are you on some kind of meds?

JANET
(ignoring his question)
And I think we should re-discuss our feelings about our relationship.

BRAD
Um, no.

He keeps heading back to the car, but suddenly, they see the hood is popped open and wires are hanging from the engine inside.

BRAD
Damnit! Great idea Lewis, (mockingly) “lets go help them you guys!”.

LEWIS
Oh fuck you, nobody knew the zombies knew how to sabotage cars.

BRAD
They’ll probably go after anything warm if they don’t have flesh to eat.

MIKE
How do you know?

BRAD
It was a guess.

MIKE
You sure your not some kind of agent?

BRAD
Yes, I’m quite sure.

JANET
Brad, can we talk?

BRAD

(snapping at her)
NO! Jesus, we’re in the middle of a zombie outbreak, can you shut up for a minute about feelings?

JANET
Yeah, sorry, we’ll talk about it later.

BRAD

(under his breath)
Wanna bet…

They all start hustling down the street.

SCENE FOUR

EXT. A Back Road.

The group is following a small back road through an empty neighborhood, Brad in the lead, Lewis behind him, Janet trying to stay close to Brad, but he keeps moving away from her, Mike and the other girl in the rear.

LEWIS

So where are we going?

BRAD
My house.

LEWIS
Why?

BRAD
Because all my shit is there.

LEWIS
Okay… But why do we need to go there?

BRAD
I just told you, all my shit is there.

LEWIS
Do we really need it though?

BRAD
Yup.

LEWIS
We need food and supplies, not a television and an Xbox 360.

BRAD
I’ve got tons of food at the house.

CUT TO: Brad’s House:

They come up to the house and go inside, Brad goes down the hall to his room, Lewis goes to the kitchen and opens the cabinets, they are empty.

LEWIS
You said you had tons of food!

BRAD
(in the other room)

Check the bottom cabinets!

Lewis opens the bottom cabinets and finds Spaghettio’s and Pop Tarts.

LEWIS
What the fuck!? We’re going to live off Spaghettio’s and Pop Tarts!?

Brad comes back with a chainsaw and a bundle with a couple more weapons in his hands, he sets them down on the kitchen table.

BRAD

Hey, don’t knock it. I’ve lived off this shit for years.

LEWIS
Yeah, but I don’t think this is going to support five people, Brad.

BRAD
I’m not too worried about two of them, so its all good.

LEWIS
Oh come on, they’re part of the group now whether we like it or not.

BRAD
Well I’m voting them off the island if it comes down to it…

CUT TO: The Living Room:

Mike is going through the weapons, the second girl comes up to him.

CAROL
Hi, I’m Carol.

MIKE
Name’s Mike.

Shakes her hand.

CAROL
So… How do you know Brad and Lewis?

MIKE
They saved my ass at Wal-Mart. How bout you two?

CAROL
Oh, well Janet is my friend and she’s Brad’s Ex.

MIKE
That explains the hostility…

CAROL
Well it was his fault they broke up.

MIKE
What’d he do?

CAROL
He made her cheat on him.

MIKE
(stops, looks at Carol)
How… (shakes head) Nevermind.

CAROL
Look, don’t take his side without knowing the facts!

MIKE
I’m not taking a side, I really don’t care either way.

CAROL
God, you men all stick together, don’t you? You just don’t listen!

MIKE
I just said I don’t care either way.

She storms out of the house, Mike has a very confused look on his face.

CUT TO: Outside the House:

Carol angrily stomps to the middle of the driveway, folding her arms.

CAROL
God… Men are so stupid.

A zombie comes out of nowhere and chomps into her face, she screams as another comes and they both drag her away.

CUT TO: The Backyard:

Brad is trying to get the chainsaw started, but it wont work. As he tries fixing it, Janet comes outside. He sees her and rolls his eyes, continuing to work.

JANET

So um… How’ve you been?

BRAD
A bit busy right now actually…

JANET
That’s okay, I just wanna talk about your feelings about-

BRAD
Look, stop with the feelings shit already, okay? I don’t want to talk about it. In fact, I don’t want to talk to you at all. Now I’m trying to get this damn thing working so we can defend ourselves better, so if you please… Go back inside.

JANET
Oh… Alright, we’ll talk later

(she goes inside)

BRAD
No, no we wont!

(she is already inside)

Sonovabitch…

He goes back to working on the saw.

CUT TO: Inside the house:

Lewis is watching the news. Janet comes into the living room.

JANET
Lewis, I need to talk to you about Brad…

LEWIS
(groans)

I’m trying to find out what’s going on, cant it wait?

JANET
No, I need to know his feelings on-

LEWIS
Shhh, wait, this is important.

JANET
And our relationship isn’t!?

LEWIS
(trying to watch the tv)

You guys broke up, there IS no more relationship.

JANET
God, you men are all the same!

She walks away, Mike comes into the living room.

MIKE
What’s going on out there?

LEWIS
Well… Apparently the military has managed to contain the infection to only this town. Something about how the thick swamp areas surrounding the town is preventing the zombies from getting out, I couldn’t really hear all of it because of her bitching.

MIKE
So what’re they going to do?

LEWIS
They’re probably gonna wait it out until things calm down in town, then they’ll move in and wipe out all the zombies.

MIKE
Meaning they’ll wait till we’re all dead?!

LEWIS
Pretty much.

BRAD
(comes into the room)
Well that settles it then… We need to get to the edge of town.

LEWIS
How do you intend we make it there?

BRAD
Well first off, I’d recommend you find those balls that you recently grew, then we strap ourselves with as many weapons as we can carry and we haul ass to the blockade.

MIKE
I like that idea.

JANET
(suddenly comes into the room again)

But how can we make it?

BRAD
(cringes)
If your too scared, maybe you should just stay here…

JANET
No, I trust you, Brad.

BRAD
Oh joy of joys… Look, my neighbor was a cop, so I’m sure if you go poke around his house you’ll be able to track down a couple shooters. Lewis, you seem to be the best shot here, so you’ll get the guns and I’ll give you the machete as well. Mike, you take the hammer, the hatchet and anything else you want from that bundle.

LEWIS
That leaves you with only the shotgun, wont you need something better?

BRAD
Oh don’t worry, I’ve got something in mind…

CUT TO:

MONTAGE

We see the group all gathering weapons and preparing, Brad is in his work-shed, building something using the broken chainsaw. Janet keeps bothering him, but he eventually just kicks the door shut when she tries to enter the shed while he is welding.

CUT TO:

INT. BRAD’S HOUSE

Lewis has a gun holster on, a revolver inside it, with his machete and two more pistols stuck in it. Mike has several hammers, a hatchet and a baseball bat. Janet has nothing.

MIKE
So we ready to go?

LEWIS
I dunno, Brad is still out in the shed.

JANET
He probably just needs time to think, like me.

LEWIS
No, he’s actually WORKING on something, as opposed to you, who has done nothing.

JANET
Hey, you’d better watch it. If he hears you talking to me that way your friendship might get messed up!

LEWIS
Yeah, I’ll worry about that one…

MIKE
Ugh… I’d just like to leave. Lets go see if Brad is ready.

They head out to the shed and just as they approach, the shed doors open and Brad comes out, he has two holsters on his back, one has the shotgun, the other is empty. He has his hat turned backwards and is carrying a weapon in his hand. He has welded the bar and chain from the chainsaw to a handle and made it into a Chainsword. He flips the weapon around a few times, then slides it into the holster on his back, then cracks his knuckles.

BRAD
Lets rock.

SCENE FIVE

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD

The group moves quickly through town, trying to avoid zombies. They keep passing scenes of carnage, zombies eating people, falling over each other, etc. Eventually they come around a corner and freeze.

LEWIS
Oh shit…

We pan around to see that their path is completely blocked by zombies.

MIKE
Great… Now what the hell do we do?

BRAD
(thinking)

Gimme a moment, Lewis, follow me…

The two hurry off, leaving Mike and Janet standing there.

JANET
Where do you think he went?

MIKE
God only knows…

JANET
Think he went to find something for me?

MIKE
(clenches fist)

No.

JANET
Your right, that’s for after we escape.

BRAD
(off-camera)

MOVE!

The two spin around and jump clear as a bike zooms by with Lewis and Brad on it, Brad is driving and Lewis is on the back pegs, his guns drawn. They zoom down the road as zombies rush them from all directions. Lewis blasts into them with his guns as they pass, the zombies are either killed, or give chase.

MIKE
(watching, nods)

That works I guess.

He and Janet run down the mostly clear road, Mike bashing the occasional zombie down as they run. As they near the end of the road, the bike comes speeding around the same corner they started at, Brad and Lewis quickly catch up to them and stop.

MIKE
A bike eh? Simple and effective.

BRAD
Yeah, but we gotta keep moving, they were following us around the buildings and they’ll be on us again in a minute.

SCENE SIX

EXT. WORKSHED SALES LOT

The group runs down a street, passing by a shed station, a zombie jumps out to attack them. Mike slams the bat into it’s head, knocking it to the ground, he then slams it down, crushing it’s skull. Just as they come around the corner, Brad stops and pushes everyone back.

BRAD
Shit! Get back!

Lewis peeks around the corner with Brad and cringes.

LEWIS
That’s no good…

BRAD
Your tellin’ me.

There is a large crowd of zombies assembled, blocking their path. Brad comes back around to the others.

BRAD
Okay, there’s too many of them…

LEWIS
What do we do?

JANET
We’re going to die!

BRAD
Shut up, we’re not gonna die.

MIKE
Well we DO need to do something fast, because its only a matter of time before one of them wanders over here.

BRAD
(sighs, looks around the corner again)

I’ll lead them away, you guys slip past while they’re chasing after me.

LEWIS
What!?

JANET
Oh Brad, your so brave to sacrifice yourself!

MIKE
(ignoring her)

Isn’t there another way? We could just circle around them.

BRAD
(shakes head)

No time. And they might spot us trying to go around, which leaves us totally out in the open with nowhere to run to. If those things are trailing us when we reach the blockade, the military is liable to just shoot us all.

MIKE
Damnit… Well there HAS to be another way.

BRAD
Well, I’ve always said there’s a purpose to everyone. This might be mine.

LEWIS
Ours.

BRAD
Oh shut up, this isn’t a TV show, your not comin’ with me.

LEWIS
Look man, technically I’m your superior, your just a cook.

BRAD
(laughs)

You’re a secondary assistant to the assistant manager!

LEWIS
Which makes me slightly more powerful than you, so that’s it, I’m going with you and you cant stop me.

MIKE
So what are we supposed to do?

BRAD
Well, basically, you wait till the bulk of the zombies comes after us and you two take off towards the edge of town.

JANET
Oh Brad, your so brave-

MIKE
(cutting her off)

So what if you guys make it?

BRAD
Then we’ll find a way to get out of town afterwards.

MIKE
And if you don’t make it?

LEWIS
Then we wont have to worry about it at all, will we?

MIKE
Point taken.

JANET
(goes up to Brad)

Listen, this is the last time we’ll get to talk, so I need to know your feelings ab-

BRAD
Shut up!

(she stops talking, shocked)

Listen, the fact of the matter is, I don’t like you at all, I saved you by mistake! I’m not worried about your opinion on ANYTHING anymore and you chose your future when you fucked that guy, so if you mention feelings to me one more time I’m going to throw YOU at the zombies and run the other way! Although now that I think about it, it might not work, because you have no brains for the zombies to eat!

Janet is silent, Brad glares at her, then he and Lewis sprint out from their cover, Mike is stifling laughter behind her.

JANET
(sigh)

He’s so sweet…

MIKE
(stops, dumbfounded)

What?

JANET
Trying to make me think he hates me so that I wont be so upset… He’s great.

Mike’s jaw drops and he stutters a moment, then shakes his head, rubbing his eyes stressfully.

SCENE SEVEN

EXT. STREET

Brad and Lewis are on the bike, speeding down the road as Lewis shoots zombies getting too close.

LEWIS
I hope you have a good plan, they’re getting closer!

BRAD
I’m thinkin’!

Lewis shoots a zombie that happens to be in their path as it lunges for them. The bike is thrown off balance and they tumble off, hitting the road hard and rolling. Brad and Lewis groan painfully, pushing themselves up off the pavement quickly. Brad grabs his dropped shotgun off the ground, shooting a zombie lunging towards him. Lewis pulls out his pistols, shooting at the group. The two of them start sprinting towards the storage facility nearby. They reach the gate and Lewis starts punching in random numbers on the keypad.

BRAD
I highly doubt that’s going to work…

LEWIS
Worth a shot!

BRAD
Your right.

He aims the rifle at the gate lock as the zombies continue getting closer, then right as he is about to fire, the lock beeps and the gate opens up.

BRAD
(looks up)

Wow… Thanks!

They run inside the gate as it slams shut once again, blocking the zombies from entering.

LEWIS
(laughs)
Haha! Yes! That was amazing!

BRAD
(sighs, relieved, he turns away from the gate)

Shit…

LEWIS
What?

(follows his gaze)

Shit…

There is another group of zombies stumbling towards them.

SCENE EIGHT

EXT. STORAGE FACILITY

Brad and Lewis quickly dodge into a side door, slamming it behind them as the zombies begin pounding on it. They take a moment to regain their breath.

BRAD
Damnit… How the hell did all of them get in here?!

LEWIS
I don’t know, but there’s sure as hell a LOT of them out there…

BRAD
Shit, well, this isn’t looking like the best idea anymore.

LEWIS
Damn straight…

(gazes out the window)

I don’t think we can get through them all, Brad.

Brad leans against the door, looking out at the zombies through the window.

BRAD
Your probably right… But maybe… It’s Time.

LEWIS
What?

BRAD
Well that gate for instance, what were the odds of that?

LEWIS
Pretty damn unlikely.

BRAD
(turns to him, nodding)
Exactly. So I’m thinking our luck has gotten pretty good as of late.

LEWIS
Yeah… Maybe your right.

He holds out his hand, Brad nods, clasping his around it and they shake firmly.

BRAD
So I think its time to kick some zombie ass.

LEWIS
Yeah man… We’re gonna die one way or the other, I’d rather go down fighting.

BRAD
Then lets charge out there and show them what the real meaning of “Fast Food” is.

Brad and Lewis both cock their guns and nod.

CUT TO: Outside the door.

Brad and Lewis burst through the door, guns aimed and shouting a battle cry as they fire.

CUT TO: EXT. Neighborhood Street

Mike and Janet hustling through the town quickly. Janet two paces behind Mike, continuously talking.

JANET
I mean, he was such a good boyfriend and I never realized it, ya know? I mean, I can work through the fact that he was always nice to me, its forgivable, ya know? I mean, Brad obviously loves me after all he’s done, ya know? I mean, its not everyone that would save your life in a situation like this, ya know?

MIKE
(cringing)

Yeah… I guess.

(V/O)

God… Maybe the zombies were a better option…

JANET
(gets closer to Mike)

So Mike… Since we’re gonna be spending more time together, I figured we’d get to know each other a little better…

(touches his arm)

Do you have a girlfriend?

Mike’s eyes widen and his gaze drops to her hand on his arm. He looks up at her, then at the sky, shaking his head.

MIKE
(V/O)

Fuck this, the zombies WERE a better option!

He tears away from her grip and starts running back the other way.

JANET

(going after him)
Wait! Mike, where are you going!?

MIKE
I’m going back, I cant let THEM get the easy way out.

JANET
But they’re as good as dead, its time to forget the past and look at our future together!

MIKE
NEVER!!!

SCENE NINE

EXT. STORAGE FACILITY

Brad and Lewis are still fighting the zombies, Brad moving to the left of the door they burst from and Lewis moving to the right. Brad cracks a zombie in the face with the butt of his rifle, blasting one directly behind it. Lewis shoots three of them with his handgun, then buries the machete into another’s skull. Brad blasts round after round into the zombies in front of him, then racks it, flips the gun and shoots one more. He then racks it and flips it again, shooting one over his shoulder. Lewis spins, chopping into a zombie’s face, whips it aside, knocking over two other zombies. He then shoots two more zombies. One lunges into him, knocking the gun from his grip. He jumps back, slashing it across the chest with the machete, causing it to spin, facing away from him. He pulls out the hammer and cracks its skull. Brad shoots another zombie, then draws the Chainsword and hacks through several more zombies in front of him. Lewis leg-sweeps a zombie to the ground, grabs his gun and fires off the last round into it’s brain. He gets to his feet and the two end up back-to-back. All the zombies are dead.

BRAD

(panting)

Did we… Really just kill all of them?

LEWIS
(also panting, wipes blood off his face)

I think we did…

BRAD
YEAH!

(kicks a zombie, singing)

You fought the Saaaaaaw, and the SAW won!

LEWIS
Man that was intense… What now?

BRAD
I don’t know, but I do know one thing, no undead pricks stand a chance against us!

They high-five, heading towards the back gate.

LEWIS
We should probably go find Mike and Janet though.

BRAD
Yeah… I cant leave Mike to that horrible fate.

LEWIS
The zombies all followed us though… Oh, right, Janet.

A huge banging sound is heard against one of the lockers near them and they freeze.

BRAD
That’s not a good sign…

The banging continues and they back away, reloading their guns quickly. Mike and Janet come running around the corner, right in front of the locker.

MIKE
There you guys are!

LEWIS AND BRAD
MIKE! MOVE!!!

MIKE
Huh?

The door slams open and a huge zombie comes barreling out, running right over Mike, stomping him into the ground.

SCENE TEN

EXT. STORAGE FACILITY

Janet flees from the zombie, Brad and Lewis watch in horror as the monstrous zombie stomps on Mike, then grabs him off the ground and slams his spine into a cement parking pole.

LEWIS
NO! Bastard!

They open fire on the zombie, but it refuses to die. It turns towards Brad and Lewis, roaring angrily and charging towards them like a rhino.

BRAD
Shit!

He shoves Lewis one way and dives the other, the zombie passes right between them and skids to a stop, slamming into the opposite row of lockers.

LEWIS
Why wont it die!?

BRAD
Well I’m guessing he wasn’t the brightest guy…

The zombie swipes at Brad with it’s giant fist, Brad ducks under it. The zombie turns towards Janet and lunges for her, Brad turns, shooting the zombie in the kneecap and rolling away as it attacks him again. It growls.

LEWIS
(takes a pot-shot at it again)
So what does his intelligence have to do with anything!?

BRAD
So it’s also been locked up inside that locker throughout this whole thing, Florida humidity probably shrank its brain even more!

LEWIS
So it’s a harder target to hit now!

BRAD
Bingo.

The zombie spins around, back-handing Lewis off his feet. Brad runs forward while it’s back is turned and leaps onto the zombie, pulling the Chainsword out. He lands on it’s back, but the zombie hits him, knocking the Chainsword from his hand.

BRAD
AGH! Lewis! Get the Chainsword!

Lewis groans painfully, scrambling across the ground to grab it. He snatches it off the ground and stands, looking for an opening to get it to Brad. The zombie spins wildly, trying to throw him off, Brad holds fast though. Lewis cant get close enough, so he pulls his gun and shoots out the zombie’s other kneecap, dropping it down on it.

LEWIS
Heads up!

He tosses the Chainsword to Brad, who catches it, slamming it down straight through the center of the skull, a loud ‘CRACK’ is heard and the zombie freezes. It groans, then falls to the ground, dead. Brad limps away from the zombie, over to Lewis.

BRAD

You okay?

LEWIS
Yeah, I’m fine… What about Mike?

Brad glances over at Mike, who is crumpled by the parking pole. He looks at Lewis and shakes his head. As they regroup, Mike suddenly moves, clawing his way over towards Janet, who is still cowering in fear.

JANET
Oh Brad! You saved me again!

BRAD
(Not looking)
Yeah, well people are still people and zombies are still zombies.

Zombie Mike attacks Janet, knocking her to the ground, chomping into her throat, she screams. Brad turns and aims, but his gun clicks empty.

BRAD
(Turns to Lewis)

Gun!

Lewis tosses his handgun to Brad, who catches it, spins and shoots Janet. Zombie Mike growls and moves towards them, Brad goes over and shoots him in the head as well. Lewis looks at him.

BRAD
Oh don’t gimme that look, that was a mercy killing.

LEWIS
Which one?

BRAD
Uh… No comment.

CUT TO:

EXT. EMPTY ROAD

Brad and Lewis are walking down a long empty road towards a car.

LEWIS
So what are we gonna do now?

BRAD
Well, with any luck we’ll be able to make it to the edge of town before dark.

LEWIS
Yeah I know that, I meant if we escape, what do we do?

BRAD
Well… I never really planned it that far ahead, you know me, short-term goals are the cornerstone of my life.

LEWIS
Hmm… Sounds nice, maybe I’ll start doing that.

BRAD
Good man, it’s a simple way to live life.

LEWIS
This could be the start of a beautiful friendship…

BRAD
(pause)
Fag.

They get into the car and start it up, driving off into the sunset.

Fade To Black.